What I Must Protect
by YokoKitsune13
Summary: I don't own Ajin. Of course not. Just rewatching the first season and this random piece was born.


_"You're human to me Kei that will never change. As long as you're with me, you'll always be human. Nothing else matters"_

I wish I could've fully believed that, Kaito. I wanted to stay with you, but I stopped being human the day I got hit by that truck...No, I really became an Ajin the moment I killed myself so that my legs could heal. I accepted what I was. It made my mind clear; it allowed me to be rational, to think without fear...except the fear of losing you, forever.

 _"We can't stay together Kai..."_

Kaito had just returned from the small town in mountains after getting some supplies and a new set of clothes for Kei, since his uniform had gotten bloody and filthy from all the running and fights they had on the way here. He looked at his friend, eyebrows knitting together. "Kei...don't start that again. I told you that I'm not leaving you alone"

The raven knew that was the response he would get; it was the same response he's been getting since he mentioned the topic earlier while they were on the road. He calmly tried to state his points again, hoping that the blonde would just get it "You can't stay with me though, everyone is after me, it's dangerous, you almost died in that bike crash and if you die you don't get reborn, Ajin and humans shouldn't-"

"Kei!"

Kei stopped mid-sentence and looked expressionless at his friend who had just closed his eyes. Taking a deep breath he said "I don't care"

Silence passed between them again before Kaito got up and headed for the door. "I'm gonna go move the bike into some bushes before someone sees it"

As Kai walked down the path to the bike he clenched his fists annoyed. _'Kei was worried about me while his life was just turned upside down. The whole damn world was after him now, if he was caught they'd experiment on him, and of all the things he was worrying about someone else?'_

Kei was left in the empty house alone with his thoughts again. _'I don't want to be alone in this, I'm afraid. However, there's no point in Kai coming with me, I have no future. He'll be in danger, and if they find out that he's my accomplice, he will never have a normal life. I have to leave before that happens. I can't lose him; He really is...the only thing keeping me human now'_

Kaito came back a little while after that and sat on the floor, not saying a word. The silence that was still present was kind of suffocating and he wanted to take Kei's mind off of whatever he was thinking about so he got the bag that he had brought and started rummaging through it, taking out a map after a few minutes. "I've been thinking about what you said, about going somewhere where no one would know you. I think I have an idea of a good place"

Kei still hadn't looked up, his eyes were distant and he didn't say anything, so Kai continued. "Kyushu...I have a grandfather who lives there. It's a small village; they wouldn't know who you are. It could be the safest option"

The raven nodded absently and Kai sighed. _'At least he responded'._

He folded the map putting it on the floor next to the bag. "Well, that settles it. We'll head out sometime tomorrow I guess...it's a long way but we'll get there"

He rested his head back on the wooden wall and closed his eyes; he was exhausted because he had been riding since last night. His muscles still ached from the crash and he had a headache from that idiot who hit him with a baseball bat. He just wanted to sleep while he could.

Kei finally looked up, his eyes falling on his childhood friend. Kai never had to come when he had called him that night; he never had to risk his life for him, after everything he had done. He gave up their friendship when his mother told him that he should 'choose his friends better', he gave him up without a fight. He listened when she filled his head with that crap about being 'an upstanding citizen'. He had let himself believe he didn't need friends, that he didn't need anyone. He had surrounded himself with nameless 'friends' who had turned on him the minute everything went to crap. In an instant, all the useless things he had thought that mattered had all vanished. He didn't deserve Kai; he didn't deserve all the things Kai was willing to do for him.

The raven moved over to where Kai was dozing off, voicing the thoughts running through his mind "It's better that I leave, I will make sure that you're safe. It's the least I can do. I just...want to protect you."

He sighed after a few minutes, and then started to get up when he felt Kai grab his arm, making sure that he couldn't move any further. Kai tried to keep his voice calm. "I can't let you leave. There is no way I can go back home, live a normal life, knowing that you're out there fighting for yours, alone"

The raven closed his eyes, taking a deep breath he let it out slowly, trying to form words for the one fear he had. "You don't get it. You could die...I can't, I'm so afraid to lose you"

"You're not going to lose me-"

Kai's sentence was cut off by a gentle kiss, a simple touch of lips that conveyed all Kei's emotions, all his fear for a future that he wasn't sure he had, all the feelings that he never thought he could have, welled up in that instant.

It was now or never. He didn't know when they would finally catch him, he didn't know if when he left, he would ever see Kai again. He didn't know anything, except that he wanted this, if only just once.

Kai had been surprised at the sudden action, he was slow to react to it but soon his eyes had closed and his hand moved to the back of Kei's head, pushing them closer so he could deepen the kiss. Of all the time he's known Kei, he's never thought of him in this way, but his body was moving on reflex and he didn't really care to stop it. It felt like the only thing that made sense.

After a few minutes, Kei parted them slowly, resting his forehead on Kai's. He kept his eyes closed as he said breathlessly "...I can't lose you"

Kai didn't respond, but he understood. He knew that Kei was right; he knew that he was being stubborn and irrational, but he couldn't help it. He didn't want to leave Kei alone, especially not now, not after this. He leaned in, pressing their lips together again, savoring the contact, the taste, and the feelings.  
He pushed the raven down slowly, never breaking contact. Kei held unto the other's shirt running his free hand underneath it so he could feel the warmth of Kai's skin. Kai's hand was gripping his hair, holding his head back, the fingers of his other hand hooked in the rim of Kei's pants.

The world had disappeared around them, along with all their worries, all their thoughts were now filled with each other, every gentle touch bringing them closer, closer than the feeling of skin on skin, closer than their breaths mingling together and the soft passionate moans that filled the dilapidated old shack they took safety in.

 _The feeling of his body against mine, the warmth of his skin, the warmth of his kisses, the feeling of him inside me, these are human feelings...feelings I want to keep, forever._

 _I like the way Kei is holding unto me; the feeling of his fingers on my back, in my hair. The soft, vulnerable way he says my name, the way he kisses me like his life depends on it, the way his body molds into mine, the way he's making me feel, I don't want it to end...I don't want him to leave._

 **But I can't stop him**

 **I know it can't last**

In the darkening room, they lay together on the floor with only their scattered clothes as blankets, neither said anything. They didn't need to say anything; all their emotions had been laid bare as they performed the ultimate act that would bond them forever.

Kai turned to the raven that had his back turned, snaking his arms around the other's thin waist and drawing him as close as possible. He wanted to be able to hold him like this, for as long as possible because he knew that this was probably going to be the last time.

Kei turned to the blonde, resting his head on Kai's chest. He listened to his steady heartbeat and the rhythm of his breathing and let those sounds calm his aching heart, He felt safe in Kai's arms; he dared to let himself enjoy the safety, because from tomorrow and for the rest of his life, he would be running. It would be almost like an eternity, because he couldn't die.

Sudden memories of his mom and sister flashed through his mind. How was his mother feeling about him now? All her expectations for him should be gone now. How did his sister feel? She probably still hated him, she had hated him the moment he let his mom delete Kai's number. She had a right to, but mostly it's because she's always been in love with the blonde. He wondered what she would say if she could see them now, the way Kai was holding him. He almost laughed until he realized that it was more sad than funny. He'd never know how they were feeling, what they were thinking. He'd never get the chance to ask for forgiveness.

He looked up at the blonde whose eyes were closed. "Kai?"

The faux blonde was almost asleep as he mumbled a response "hmmn...?"

"I'm sorry. For everything I've done, for dragging you into this after all the times I pretended you didn't exist, I-"

"It's okay"

"But-"

"I know why you did it. It was your mom right? She said I was bad news and you didn't want to disappoint her so you listened."

"Kai..."

"Look. I'm not saying it didn't hurt at first, mostly because I didn't understand what was happening. But after awhile, I got it, and it became easier to just not let it bother me. I knew it wasn't you really, I knew you were only trying to do what she wanted."

Kei felt like he was going to cry. He couldn't believe how well Kai described what had happened; he even gave the raven more credit than he deserved. After all, the blonde was on the receiving end of everything, he's the one everyone avoided. He should have been mad at Kei, but he wasn't, instead he was holding the raven close, letting him hide his face; his guilt in his chest. Kei didn't look into the eyes that he knew were studying him from above, because if he did, he would never be able to stop crying.

"You never have to apologize to me, Kei Nagai...because I'll always forgive you. Understand?"

At those words Kei's heart ached, he felt his throat clam up and he couldn't speak. All he could do was nod.

Kai smiled softly, his eyes closed again; he ran his fingers through Kei's hair and tightened his grip around the pale boy. "Good...now get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day."

Kei opened his eyes and stared at the sleeping male beside him. He felt his soft breathing on his face, listened to his gentle snoring as he slowly moved the stray strands of hair from Kai's face. He studied every inch of the other, wanting to etch it into his memory along with every smell and feeling that he could find. He had stayed like that until slivers of light started to light up the sky signifying that dawn was near approaching, that's when he got up, slow enough to not wake the other.

It took him about twenty minutes to be fully dressed in one of the newer clothes Kai had gotten him, and the other had not woken up. Kei kneeled next to him, his face expressionless as usual, except for a single tear that escaped. He let it fall before he wiped away the rest and took a deep breath, convincing himself of the choice he was about to make.  
He leaned down to place a chaste kiss on Kai's forehead, on his cheeks and then on his lips, and got up before his will left him, he headed through the door, not looking back until the cabin was almost a silhouette against the darkened forest.

As the sun washed over the old wooden floor and unto the blonde's face, he groaned and turned over on his side. Soon he was opening his eyes when he felt a cold chill on his skin and realized that the place beside him was empty.

He was momentarily surprised but his expression soon changed to sadness. He sighed and glanced around the room that had become even more desolate since yesterday. His eyes landed on a piece of paper folded near to him and reached for it, slowly unfolding it and read the words that Kei had left for him.

 _After thinking about this over and over, I still believe that this is the only way. I know you won't see it, I understand why you won't allow yourself to believe. I wish I could have ignored it too...but I can't. I don't...expect you to forgive me for leaving, even though you said you always would, I know it'll still hurt._

 _Kai, I want you to live, no, I need you to live because I need to know that there's still a chance for me at 'normal'...at 'love' because...well, I love you. I am able to love you, an emotion that I thought I didn't have, that I wasn't allowed to have, and I realize that for the first time I actually feel 'human'. How ironic._

 _Go back home, live your life, take school seriously for once and make some 'friends', I realize now that they are kinda important...and most of all, I want you to be happy._

 _Please don't try to follow me; I won't let you find me. And don't worry, I can't die remember?_

 _Sayonara, Aishite eien-i_

Kai crushed the paper in his hands as he read the last lines, clenching his teeth to hold back the tears. He threw the crumpled paper on top of his open bag as he dragged on his shorts, not bothering with a shirt as he ran outside, shouting Kei's name. He knew he wouldn't find him, he knew he wasn't there...but he felt he had to scream his name till his throat got hoarse, until he couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

Only after hours of searching in denial, did he relent and go back to the cabin, knowing that Kei was miles away by now, and that he would probably never see him again. He knelt beside his bag, the crushed letter still open as his eyes fell on the words _'I love you'_ he clenched his fists on the floor and lowered his head as the tears came back, he whispered _'I love you too...'._

End.


End file.
